And can it be?

 

Charles Wesley preaching.

 

Psalm 42 is a psalm to which I often return.  It speaks to me  (or more accurately for me).  Certainly it struck me as a fair reflection of my feelings whilst on retreat at the beginning of Lent.

"My tears have been my meat day and night
 while they daily say unto me, Where is now thy God?

Now when I think thereupon, I pour out my heart by myself
for I went with the multitude, and brought them forth into the house of God;

In the voice of praise and thanksgiving
among such as keep holy-day.

Why art thou so full of heaviness, O my soul
and why art thou so disquieted within me?

Put thy trust in God
 for I will yet give him thanks for the help of his countenance."

Ps 42:3-7

 I still have a huge "difficulty" in truly believing and accepting that God is actually willing and able to do things for me because I am, in God's view "worth it".  To me, it's all still about hauling myself up and doing the work myself.  I can preach grace and administer grace but I struggle to accept grace.  Which is why this hymn by Charles Wesley matters to me.

And can it be, that I should gain
An interest in the Saviour's blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! how can it be
That Thou, my God, shoulds't die for me?

'Tis mystery all! The Immortal dies:
Who can explore His strange design?
In vain the first-born seraph tries
To sound the depths of love divine.
'Tis mercy all! let earth adore,
Let angel minds inquire no more.

He left His Father's throne above,
So free, so infinite His grace,
Emptied Himself of all but love,
And bled for Adam's helpless race:
'Tis mercy all, immense and free;
For, O my God, it found out me!

Long my imprisoned spirit lay
Fast bound in sin and nature's night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray,
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth and followed Thee.

No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in Him, is mine!
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach the eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.

Imprisoned Spirit? Yep, got one.  Bound in nature's  night - oh yes, my inner fear and frailty assures that.  But through the grace of God prayer and sacrament I get just enough experience of being set free to move on a bit.  Like alcohol, the darkness can jump out and tempt me from time to time and a sense of despair can kick in.  And grace can boot it into touch for a bit.  Maybe I just need to seek grace more often.  Then again, don't we all?  Maybe this Holy Week I'll try to see the grace on offer and not just the gloom.

Keble and keeping it in the day.

Yesterday the Anglican Communion (except for the C of E who keep his feast on the anniversary of his famous Assize Sermon on National Apostasy in July) remembered John Keble. Pardon the non-inclusive language, but these quotes from the great man struck me as useful in a time when there is much political & religious turbulence (like the Anglican Covenant (or Dead Parrot) & the re-election of George Galloway (aka the Mouth of the Tay) to the High Court of Parliament at this time assembled!).

"After all, the surest way to uphold or restore our endangered Church, will be for each of her anxious children, in his own place and station, to resign himself more thoroughly to his God and Saviour in those duties, public and private, which are not immediately affected by the emergencies of the moment: the daily and hourly duties, I mean, of piety, purity, charity, justice. It will be a consolation understood by every thoughtful Churchman, that let his occupation be, apparently, never so remote from such great interests, it is in his power, by doing all as a Christian, to credit and advance the cause he has most at heart; and what is more, to draw down God's blessing upon it."

 
And:

"As to those who, either by station or temper, feel themselves most deeply interested, they cannot be too careful in reminding themselves, that one chief danger, in times of change and excitement, arises from their tendency to engross the whole mind. Public concerns, ecclesiastical or civil, will prove indeed ruinous to those, who permit them to occupy all their care and thoughts, neglecting or undervaluing ordinary duties, more especially those of a devotional kind."

The first passage suggests to me a flavour of Step 3 in the 12 Steps: " to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him".  And also of that AA slogan "Keep it in the Day".  We are great at distracting ourselves from the actual practise on a daily basis of the faith we profess in our personal and life and locale by getting worked up about big causes and campaigns.  I'm all for those - but unless it is matched by piety and purity, then those of us who would call ourselves 'liberal minded' Christians can find ourselves dismissed as lacking in faith if all we seem to do is talk about charity and justice.  Equally, we need to be careful to show charity to those we disagree with in thought, word and blog!  Even George Galloway!

The second passage is equally pertinent.  We can become obsessive with our pet religious or political hobby horses - LGBT rights, abortion etc, etc, etc.  But that can mess up our personal lives and our prayer life if it is not held in a healthy balance with prayer and ordinary life.  The genius of classical Anglicanism was/is it's distrust of unbalanced living and dangerous obsessive enthusiasm.  Maybe it recognises than more people have addictive personalities than admit it!


Father of the eternal Word,
in whose encompassing love
all things in peace and order move:
grant that, as your servant John Keble
adored you in all creation,
so we may have a humble heart of love
for the mysteries of your Church
and know your love to be new every morning,
in Jesus Christ your Son our Lord,
who is alive and reigns with you,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever.  Amen

The Feast of the Annunciation

 (The Annunciation by Paolo de Matteis 1712, St Louis Art Museum)

This is today's thought from the World Community for Christian Meditation:

"She (Mary) was ‘deeply disturbed’ by the angelic message and could not understand the meaning of what was happening to her. We long for something to happen, for God to appear to us, for reality to flower in our lives of expectation and frustration. And when it does we can hardly recognise it and wonder what it really means. There are no final answers and the desire for God, for the everything we need, can never satisfied. We cannot equal the gift. That is why humility is wisdom.

All we can do is give up own point of view and learn to see everything from the perspective of the giver. But then we feel as if we are being annihilated. The ego begins to campaign for its rights. So we try to let God be the true centre while retaining a bolthole for our own self-centredness. The absurdity of this and the frustration it involves may take a long time to become evident.

Mary struggled and yielded her perspective as every loving parent, every loving person knows they are called to do. Her fiat, let it be done to me as you have said, was simultaneously a defeat and a victory, a collapse and a breakthrough, a death and the beginning of a new birth beyond the cycle of death and rebirth.

Our mantra is our fiat. Let it be."

Being deeply disturbed by God is an experience we share with Mary.  That sense of confusion at where and how we are being called to be, is part and parcel of the Christian vocation.  But self-surrender is no easy option - our ego sees to that.  For me, the "Yes" that Mary uttered must have been preceded by an experience like that of  the Patriarch Jacob wrestling with that angel!

 (Jacob wrestling with the Angel, Gustav Dore)

Today is the beginning of our salvation,

And the revelation of the eternal mystery!

The Son of God becomes the Son of the Virgin

As Gabriel announces the coming of Grace.

Together with him let us cry to the Theotokos:

"Rejoice, O Full of Grace, the Lord is with you!"

(Orthodox Troparion of the Annunciation, attributed to St Athanasius)

Planning D-Day.

Edinburgh Theolgical College (Coates Hall)


Cuddesdon Theological College


Westcott House Cambridge


 Cranmer Hall Durham

I was on the wrong side of the Rector's desk today.  Or rather, on the side of it I'm new to.  Rachel and I met with Bishop Brian to plan the wedding liturgy!!!  Largely he was happy with what we had proposed but we fine tuned the tricky logistics of Registration, prayers of Intercession, the  Peace and the Blessing of the Newlyweds.  It is basically a Scottish Marriage Liturgy 2007 with Eucharist but it had to be tinkered with (like adding a confession and not trying to bless us between the end of the Canon of the Mass and the Fraction -which utterly scrambles the flow of the liturgy).  It was fun though!  The combined liturgical talents of Coates Hall, Westcott House, Cuddesdon and Cramner Hall Durham working out the running order made quite a team!

I have just taken possesion of Richard Holloway's memoir "Leaving Alexandria" and a book on 12 Step Spirituality by Richard Rohr.   So my night time reading on sleepovers is sorted for a bit.  I'll let you know how I find them.

St Joseph's day

 

Feeling slightly Lionel Blue-ish today, so instead of piety, pastry!  Wish I thought about having one of these today! A zeppola is an Italian  St. Joseph's Day cake.  These are a kind of doughnut and  are usually topped with powdered sugar. They can be filled with custard, jelly, pastry cream or a butter-and-honey mixture.  Zeppole are traditionally eaten on La Festa di San Giuseppe. In Rome, Naples and Sicily and Malta, these little pastries are sold on many streets and are sometimes gifts on this day. They are also common in Italian-American communities in the United States.

Actually the Memorare of St Joseph seems a good way to remember the step-Father of the Redeemer.

Remember, O most pure spouse of the Blessed Virgin Mary,

my sweet protector St. Joseph

that no one ever had recourse to thy protection

or implored thy aid without obtaining relief.

Confiding therefore in thy goodness,

I come before thee, and humbly supplicate thee.

Oh, despise not my petitions,

foster-father of the Redeemer,

but graciously receive them.

Amen.