Saturday, 27 June 2009

Back at last.

No, I've not been in the jail or hospital, but my lack of blogging has been health related. I've been off work since mid March after a bad breakdown and am still off work, though much better. Marvellous stuff prozac is when you take it properly, avoid booze and combine it with 2 sessions per week of Psychoanalysis. It didn't seem very bright to blog when in the depths: too much painful s**t going on and my editorial facility was not at all functional!

It was bad, I bought razor blades one day (and binned them the next). A number of things are clear to me: I hate living alone and in small Scottish towns. I have totally lost myself over the years and my sense of identity. And I might well be suffering from an undiagnosed autistic condidtion. Which all means being a Rector is not a good thing for me to be. I need more structure in my life which is imposed rather than self generated. So there is a lot of searching a decison making going on just now and running a parish will not be part of my life for very much longer. There's also been some good stuff: living in community, rediscovering that I am likable. Actually finding life without a lot of my props is possible (I've just stopped smoking - day 2 and I haven't killed anyone yet!!). So mind me in your prayers as I look for a job and a life.