Not in sole control.

I went to a meeting last night as this upcoming funeral has been weighing on my mind a bit.  What a good thing it was that I did.  Somebody spoke about their experience of going to see an elderly friend who is dying of cancer but who has the most marvellous acceptance and serenity in the face of their approaching death.  Far from being a negative experience, the visit proved to be a very inspiring one for our group member.  Equally, another member shared their recent unsettledness and realised it was because they were probably going to be promoted into a people managing job.  They'd done something like it before but had not been very good at it.  The difference was then they were on the booze and now they're sober.  It was their sense of being back in an uncomfortable place and the loss of power and control over their situation that was disturbing them.  That made sense to me, as I think it's the lack of being sole person in charge that in some ways is unsettling me.  I'm not the one pulling it all together but am part of a team.  This actually seems to be producing a very sensitively constructed service and ritual which is far better that what I could have done alone, but it's quite uncomfortable for me in the sense that I am not the "Actor/manager" running the production.

What I am re-learning is that  I am not all powerful in my own life but powerless in some respects and that I need to hand over my powerlessness and fear to the Higher Power that I experience as God.  When I do that, it all works out and works out well.  Back to Ignatius of Loyola methinks:

Suscipe (St. Ignatius of Loyola)

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding
and my entire will,
All I have and call my own.

You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.

Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace.
That is enough for me.