The official announcement has been made today that I will not be returning to post in Falkirk and I'm very grateful for the time and space that was made available to me to reach that decision. Of course, in some ways the future is just as unclear now as it was 6 months ago. As of 1st October I shall be jobless (so application is underway for benefit support as well as ongoing job search). But it may help to list to date the progress that has been made:
I am on sick leave due to depression.
Parish ministry is not for me.
Living in a small town isn't for me.
Living alone does not make me happy or fulfill me as a person.
I have not drunk alcohol for almost 6 months.
Until, yesterday, I hadn't smoked for 6 weeks. (Starting stopping again as from today!)
I have attended therapy twice weekly since May
and am very gradually and (with much pain and resistance) am getting somewhere. I think.
and am very gradually and (with much pain and resistance) am getting somewhere. I think.
My therapist is on holiday for a month. So I need to start putting some other bits of activity in to my timetable, so I don't regress into an isolated cupboard. Like building on the volunteering I did at the Festival of Spirituality and Peace. Like taking up an activity or joining a social group. I might be on the dole as of the 1st October, but I'd better try to organise my life so that I have one again. Parish ministry means that your social life tends to withdraw into a small circle of like minded people in the same area. I need to build out and not depend on the Church for my self identity as much. Or rediscover John the person as opposed to John the Priest, the Rector, the Role. Which is sort of what has been going on slowly in the last few months but it is seriously a work which has begun and is far from complete. So we go on. But it does seem possible now, which it really didn't before.
