Back from the Quiet place.

I went away for a retreat this weekend.  A short one at the Jesuit Centre near Liverpool, Loyola Hall (pictured above).  I had a a very faint connection with it, in as much as my great mentor Donald Nicholson made his Ignatian 30 day retreat there in the 1970's.  However I was drawn in by their provision of a 12 step retreat.  All the participants were in some sort of 12 step programme (AA, NA, Al-Anon etc).  It's a 1st for me (in  agood way) to have the priest start his addresses with the words "I'm X and I'm an alcoholic" but it was good.  Basically I got the chance to go on a 48 hour meeting with Mass and meditation and it helped me to see how much progress I've made (very nearly 3 years sober) and how little (fear and denial still just under the surface).  It gave me a chance to go down into the depths of my emotions and come back with hope and peace.  And to see that I may have turned my life over to god but I'm still struggling with handing over my will.  Oddly enough,  the spiritual gift I was "gifted" in one meditation (by picking up an inscribed ribbon - which begs the question Holy Spirit or Lucky Dip?  I'll go for God working in mysterious ways) was "humility - seeking God's will".  I do try, I suppose, but I'm very bad at it.  Underneath the low-ish self-esteem there is a thundering great, Centre Stage hogging Ego.  but hey, maybe it's what I need right now and this was me being told to cultivate it.

Back to that prayer of St Ignatius:

Take, O Lord, and receive my entire liberty, my memory, my understanding and my whole will.
All that I am and all that I possess You have given me:
I surrender it all to You to be disposed of according to Your will.
Give me only Your love and Your grace; 
with these I will be rich enough, and will desire nothing more.