I went away for a retreat this weekend. A short one at the Jesuit Centre near Liverpool, Loyola Hall (pictured above). I had a a very faint connection with it, in as much as my great mentor Donald Nicholson made his Ignatian 30 day retreat there in the 1970's. However I was drawn in by their provision of a 12 step retreat. All the participants were in some sort of 12 step programme (AA, NA, Al-Anon etc). It's a 1st for me (in agood way) to have the priest start his addresses with the words "I'm X and I'm an alcoholic" but it was good. Basically I got the chance to go on a 48 hour meeting with Mass and meditation and it helped me to see how much progress I've made (very nearly 3 years sober) and how little (fear and denial still just under the surface). It gave me a chance to go down into the depths of my emotions and come back with hope and peace. And to see that I may have turned my life over to god but I'm still struggling with handing over my will. Oddly enough, the spiritual gift I was "gifted" in one meditation (by picking up an inscribed ribbon - which begs the question Holy Spirit or Lucky Dip? I'll go for God working in mysterious ways) was "humility - seeking God's will". I do try, I suppose, but I'm very bad at it. Underneath the low-ish self-esteem there is a thundering great, Centre Stage hogging Ego. but hey, maybe it's what I need right now and this was me being told to cultivate it.
Back to that prayer of St Ignatius:
Take, O Lord, and receive my entire liberty, my memory, my understanding and my whole will.
All that I am and all that I possess You have given me:
I surrender it all to You to be disposed of according to Your will.
Give me only Your love and Your grace;
with these I will be rich enough, and will desire nothing more.
Back to that prayer of St Ignatius:
All that I am and all that I possess You have given me:
I surrender it all to You to be disposed of according to Your will.
Give me only Your love and Your grace;
with these I will be rich enough, and will desire nothing more.