By which I mean my emotional reserves. I've actually been quite chipper and trying to work my 12 step programme a bit better, but I seem to have hit a patch where I get distracted by others needs. Having to put in a bit extra at the house due to others family illnesses wasn't a snag on Wednesday - I thought "I'm OK, I'll go to a meeting on Friday". Come Friday, I ended up providing some emotional support for a friend who had a distressing phone call. Forget the meeting. I went with them for a drink in a pub (I had Appletise) and felt very uncomfy: noisy, others drinking and I knew a pint would help me relax and take the edge off things. I also knew it would probably bugger up the rest of my life, so stuck to the soft stuff. However, I feel really quite drained and edgy today, so I am off to a meeting to stiffen up the resolve etc. Because I'm meeting Ma who was told yesterday that a pal of hers with Parkinson's had just died. So more drain on MY reserves - I need a top up! And am going for it. I don't have to do this tout seul and it's OK to say "This sucks and I'm stressing".
sounds like a pretty heavy week dougal. we're all still praying!
ReplyDeleteYou're in my prayers also.
ReplyDeleteBut the fact you are aware of both the temptation and the possibility of falling back into self-destructive patterns of behaviour means that you are self-aware enough to stop a possible relapse.
Remember we remake ourselves day by day, hour by hour, by our choices we select - trust yourself, be strong & draw on your reserves of faith.
Oy, vey! It sounds draining. And what difficult thing it is to provide an empathetic ear in a noisy, booze-filled environment. Glad you saw the temptation, and stayed away from it. And it is definitely OK to acknowledge the stress and the suckiness of it all. Prayers for you, frdougal.
ReplyDeleteNot lecturing. Just telling you what you know. Meetings are THE priority. The rest will wait until afterwards.
ReplyDeleteThanks folks, I went to the meeting, felt much better and coped with the rest of the day fine.
ReplyDelete